Deadlock

unu din cele mai proaste filme ever... a fost totusi super pe fast forward fara sunet... am ras in hohote cu cretu si cu seba... de fapt toata ziua am ras... si la go, si la filme... seba cu branza lui...

nota 4

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

recomandat de nea frigideru... nu e chiar film, e mai mult live-parody, o idee interesanta...

unele replici sunt chiar geniale...

Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail
[hands suddenly attach to the rail]
Exeter: ... they’re magnetized.
Crow T. Robot: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
—
Tom Servo: Ah, they’re going 65, so they’ll be there in 3 BILLION years...
—
Tom Servo: Captain’s log: a bunch of our ship fell off, and, nobody likes me.
—
Mike: Raspberry world. For all your raspberry needs.
—
[seeing the desolate, war-ravaged surface of Metaluna]
Mike: This must be what went on in Salvador Dali’s head.
—
Exeter: Into the converter tubes. Ruth, you take the first tube. Cal, you take the second.
Cal Meecham: What about you?
Exeter: I’ll take the third tube.
Tom Servo: [as Cal] Oh, right. Stupid question.
—
alien spaceship catches plane in tractor beam]
Mike Nelson: I’m beginning to think they’re not from around here.
Tom Servo: No, I bet you they’re English, or Canadian.
—
[as entire mountain explodes]
Tom Servo: That’s what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave!
—
Crow T. Robot: [as Cal beats a MutAnt in the head] Oh, I’m very vulnerable there! Oh, there go the piano lessons! I can’t remember my dad!
—
Mike Nelson: [as the Universal-Internation Presents credit comes up] Doesn’t the fact that it’s universal make it international?
—
Cal Meecham: [Struggling with the controls of his jet] I have no control...
Mike: I keep eating and eating.
—
[as Exeter’s flying saucer catches fire]
Crow T. Robot: "Service engine soon" I wonder what that’s all about.
—
Tom Servo: If not satisfied with this movie, please return unused portion for a full refund.
—
Crow T. Robot: Don’t leave me with the Germans!
—
Carl Meecham: Relocation? To where?
The Monitor: To your Earth.
Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
Crow T. Robot: After the genocide, of course.
—
Crow T. Robot: [as Joe comes down the stairs] This is a job for "Weenie man!"
—
Benkitnorf: I don’t know. Geez... let’s see, maybe this does something...
[pushes button, zapping Servo]
Benkitnorf: Crap. That’s not it. Hang on...
[gets manual]
Benkitnorf: Okay. Did you use the Intensifier Disc?
All: Yes.
Benkitnorf: Turn the controls 18 degrees to the left?
All: Did that.
Benkitnorf: Are you in Europe? Do you need an adapter?
All: No.
—
Exeter: They’re concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light – they’re meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.
Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.
Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...
Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!
Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world – giving light to those who may need it.
Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That’s a bummer, huh?"
—
Tom Servo: [Zagon bomb explodes en route to thought-transference chamber] "Golly, those doggone Zagons are really licking us, huh! Well, let’s go get your brains scrambled...”
—
Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
Tom Servo: Oh, they’re flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow T. Robot: They’re very into "Yes" on this planet.
Tom Servo: Hee hee!
Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.
Tom Servo: Remember, we’re parked in the &quot
;Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!
—
Tom Servo: Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.
—
Mike: Yeah, let’s slip awayy under cover of afternoon in the biggetst car in the county!
—
[Inside the environmental tubes]
Crow T. Robot: Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!
—
[as Tom Servo reads the opening credits:]
Tom Servo: Okay, let’s see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn’t look like he’s in this one; we’re safe.
—
Cal Meecham: Check rate of radioactive decay.
Crow T. Robot: Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around!
—
[after breaching the hull in an escape attempt]
Crow T. Robot: Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.
[Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space]
Crow T. Robot: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull – All Die." Even had it underlined.
—
Crow T. Robot: Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?
—
Tom Servo: Suddenly I have a refreshing mint flavor.
—
Exeter: I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson, your camera will pick up nothing but black fog.
Tom Servo: Oh, it’s a Goldstar.

nota 8.50

The Green Mile

un film lung facut dupa o carte de Stephen King... nu m-a plictisit absolut deloc, ba chiar mi-a placut ca din cand in cand parca se schimba tema principala... si mi-a placut si Tom Hanks, normal...

tre sa recunosc ca am luat filmu prima data in anu 2 cand eram indragostit de roscata si avea pe 360 o lista cu filmele preferate... asta era unu din ele... da de atunci n-am apucat sa-l vad...

si inca ceva, nu stiu daca am mai vorbit despre asta, cred ca nu... traducerea filmelor in romaneste... este o chestie absolut oribila, facuta cred ca de cei mai mari cretini, pentru cretini... absolut toate filmele sunt traduse ca pentru idioti la noi, pierzand absolut tot farmecul metaforic al titlurilor... de exemplu, asta este Culoarul Mortii... Shawshank Redemption e tradus Inchisoarea Ingerilor... wtf ???... Meet Joe Black – Moartea in vacanta... lista este infinita...

nota 9.25

The Legend Of 1900

un film recomandat de costin acu ceva vreme, de abia azi am dat peste el cautand ceva de vazut...

e un pic mai altfel... mai lent, mai simplu dar totusi complex daca stii cum sa-ti dai seama de asta... si trist si funny pe alocuri... merita

nota 9

Tropic Thunder

genul filmului: superbad, pinnapple express... a fost mult mai bun decat ma asteptam... nu aveam foarte mari sperante de la un film regizat de ben stiller, dar a fost o comedie bine facuta...

am luat o varianta unrated director’s cut care avea 2 ore si incepea cu niste trailere facute la misto... foarte buna ideea... booty sweat

legat de ben stiller... imi cazuse complet in dizgratie dupa porcaria de along came polly si meet the fockers... insa a facut o treaba buna cu filmu asta, tre sa recunosc... oricum, genial pentru el sa regizeze un film in care isi ofera 2 oscaruri (bine, unul era o chinezarie (la propriu))

robert downey jr. a fost genial... complet meritata nominalizarea la oscar pentru rolul asta... trebuie sa vad the dark knight ca sa ma conving ca heath ledger merita oscarul si nu downey jr. ...

Kirk Lazarus: I don’t read the script. The script reads me.
Kevin Sandusky: What the fuck does that mean ?
—
Tugg Speedman: [as Simple Jack] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.
—
Tugg Speedman: [as Simple Jack] You m-m-m-mmm-m-make me happy.
—
Tugg Speedman: [as Simple Jack] Mama, I’ll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!
—
Jeff Portnoy: [to Four Leaf] You grew hands?
—
Tugg Speedman: This is insane. Are you really going to abandon this movie? We’re supposed to be a unit!
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit.
—
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Wow. 8 Oscars, 400 million dollars at the box office, and you saved Tugg Speedman’s career.
Les Grossman: I couldn’t have done it without you.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Really?
Les Grossman: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: I wouldn’t do that.
Les Grossman: Ah... joking.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Ah, there he is! Funny. You’re a funny guy.
Les Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
—
[Jeff, Kirk, and Kevin have just learned Alpa is gay]
Jeff Portnoy: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
Jeff Portnoy: I’ll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let’s do this.
—
[Tugg has just killed a panda]
Tugg Speedman: I killed one, Rick... the thing I love most in the world.
Rick Peck: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!
Tugg Speedman: I killed a panda.
Rick Peck: Amanda ? Maybe that’s not even her real name.
—
Tugg Speedman: [the boy hands him a box, he removes the cloth from the box and looks inside] A little twig-man oscar. I ’m going to call you half-squat, and you can call me... papa
—
Kirk Lazarus: Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth’s atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
—
Kirk Lazarus: Nah! It’s simple as pie man, you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! baby, you and me’s goin’ on a date, that’s in the story"... What’s her name?
Alpa Chino: ...Lance
Kirk Lazarus: You say ’Listen here, Lance’... Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Kevin Sandusky: Did you just say Lance?
Alpa Chino: No! No, I didn’t say Lance. I said Nance.
Kevin Sandusky: It sounded a lot like Lance.
Alpa Chino: Dammit, I’m Alpa Chino! ’I Love Tha Pussy’, aight? L
ay yo ass back down and look at the stars.
Kirk Lazarus: When you wrote ’I Love Tha Pussy’, was you thinking about danglin your dice on Lance’s forehead?
—
Kirk Lazarus: Yo asshole! This motha’ fucka’s dead. Ain’t no Chris Angel Mindfreak, David Blane trapdoor horse shit jumpin’ off here!
—
Kirk Lazarus: I know what dude I am. I’m the dude playin’ the dude, disguised as another dude!
—
Kirk Lazarus: You more shredded than a Julienne salad, man.
—
Kirk Lazarus: Man, I don’t drop character ’till I done the DVD commentary.
—
Tugg Speedman: Now, let’s go get those Viet Congs.
[cocks his gun]
Alpa Chino: "Viet Cong!"
Tugg Speedman: What?
Alpa Chino: It’s "viet cong." There’s no "s," it’s already plural. You wouldn’t say "Chineses..."
—
Les Grossman: Look, fuckstick, I’m incredibly busy. So why don’t you get the hell out of here before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass...
—
Cody: [setting off a rig of explosives] Big ass titties!
—
Les Grossman: First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don’t know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you’re thinking, you’d better think again! Otherwise I’m gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You’re gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I’m talking about a scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
—
Jeff Portnoy: [shoves drugs in guards’ faces] Take this you bastards! Oh hilarious!
[the guards drop to the ground]
Jeff Portnoy: Let’s move! We only have 16 hours before they wake up!
—
Alpa Chino: Yeah... but those dudes was trained soldiers.
Kirk Lazarus: [cocks unloaded pistol] Yeah! And we trained actors, mothafucka! Time to man up. And I ain’t gonna sugarcoat. Some of us might not even make it back.
Jeff Portnoy: What do you mean? Like, not on the same flight?
—
Alpa Chino: And why am I in this movie? Maybe I just knew I had to represent, because they had one good part in it for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
Kirk Lazarus: Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure.
Alpa Chino: I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your Barbie.
Kirk Lazarus: That shit ain’t funny.
Kevin Sandusky: Hey, fellas! It’s hot! We’re tired! It stinks!
Alpa Chino: I’m just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! I’m sorry a dingo ate your baby.
Kirk Lazarus: You know that’s a true story? Lady lost her kid.
—
Tugg Speedman: My son gave this to me.
Kirk Lazarus: That’s your stick buddy?
Tugg Speedman: His name is Twiggman.
Kirk Lazarus: Does he want to come with us?
—
Kirk Lazarus: Cover me!
Kevin Sandusky: [Others are yelling at him to come back in helicopter] How do we cover him?

nota 8.99