ne-am intalnit azi sa jucam primele jocuri de Go... a fost interesant, e chiar un joc frumos, captivant, nu va depasi niciodata sahul ca nimic, dar este acolo sub el...

some stupid shit scrise de cretzu si adaugite de mine inspirate de ziua de azi:

Go rules of conduct:

1. On Go Stones Materials

• – Stone (duuh)
• – Glass
• – Plastic
• – Chinese paste (not made from Chinese)
• – Skittles (white and orange)
• – Sugar is not to be used as Go stone material if licking the stones is allowed
• – Feces, dry (churned white, after eating a lot of rice) and fresh (hard-cut brown) are not to be used as Go stones, as they have a tendecy to mix together in the Go bowl and stick to the Go board (and fingers)
• – It is considered impolite for the guest to smash the host’s own stones into spare Go stones. Exception: This is allowed when the host is female, because it is not possible.
• – Little huddled Chinese men (with paint) (not included with the set)
• – Chewing gum (when also black). For the players’ safety, it is recommended that twenty Chinese be used for the chewing. (also not included with the set, as they wouldn’t fit into the box)
• – Buttons (when Chinese)
• – Your own pair of nuts may be used as Go stones only if you have a terrible disease that alters one’s nut colour.

2. On Eating at the Go Board

• – The Go board is not edible (unless specified)
• – The Go stones are not edible. There are no exceptions to this rule. Eating the stones exhausts them and may hinder the game further on.
• – Exceptions to the previous rule: white and orange skittles, if you don’t feel pety for that which sold them to you.
• – The guest may eat over the Go board at will, if provided, though the host is supposed to initiate the process (“ia bah si mananca”). The host is supposed to gather the crums following the Go game and the guest’s departure (“fir-ar ai dreacu de nemancati”).
• – The host is obliged to not curse the guest for making crums (this rule does not apply in European countries).
• – The guest is not allowed to spill tea on the Go board
• – The guest may spill soda, and other non-tea drinks (except curdled milk and gasoline) on the Go board, but only when accidental. This may only happen once a month.
• – Only the host is allowed to eat crums from the Go board directly.
• – The host may nibble on the Go stones. The guest is expected to restrain himself.
• – The guest is not allowed to lick the Go stones (especially when made out of feces), as the host should at all times feel safe to do so (licking the stones spreads germs, touching not).
• – When the guest ingests a Go stone, he is expected to return it at the end of the digestive process. When possible, the digestive process may be rushed so that it occurs entirely within the host’s house (the guest is to be allowed privacy while recovering the stone).
• – When the host ingests a Go stone, the guest has no obligation of retrieving it (unless it is his fault)
• – Go bowls are not to be used for tea or other liquidy materials that may be served over the course of the Go game.
• – If you use the Go bowls for meal service, make sure to retrieve all the Go stones a priori. If not, the guest will be exempted from the thrice-previous rule.
• – Ingested Go stones are not to be re-ingested (if needed, ingest clean one)
• – If the guest touches the Go stones with oily hands, it is considered polite to wipe them on the guest’s own clothes (unless provided napkins). The host may decide to keep their Go stones oily for personal rea
  sons. (the guest may never ask why).

3. On Go game designs

• – The players are obliged to try and draw the swastika sign whenever possible, preferably with black stones.
• – Erotic drawings are forbidden if playing against gay opponent.

4. On Whizzing

• – Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is the guest allowed to whizz on the Go board or in the Go bowls.
• – The host is obliged to direct the guest to the place of whizzing (toilet)
• – The host is obliged to hold the guest’s pecker while he whizzes, if the guest demands it
• – If the host fails or refuses to direct the guest to the place of whizzing, the guest may whizz on the Go board only if he may truthfuly use the excuse of no longer being able to hold himself. His pecker will not be held and comments about it’s size are forbidden (especially when playing against Chinese as they tend to be pretty small).
• – If one of the players urgently needs to take a shit then the Go board will be carefully transported to the bathroom and the opponent will hold the board in front of the toilet seat and ignore the screams of making.